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About half-past five
one afternoon at the end of June when the sun was shining warm and
bright into the large courtyard, a very elegant victoria with two
beautiful black horses drew up in front of the mansion.
The Comtesse de Mascaret came down the steps just as her husband,
who was coming home, appeared in the carriage entrance. He stopped
for a few moments to look at his wife and turned rather pale. The
countess was very beautiful, graceful and distinguished looking,
with her long oval face, her complexion like yellow ivory, her large
gray eyes and her black hair; and she got into her carriage without
looking at him, without even seeming to have noticed him, with such
a particularly high-bred air, that the furious jealousy by which he
had been devoured for so long again gnawed at his heart. He went up
to her and said: "You are going for a drive?"
She merely replied disdainfully: "You see I am!"
"In the Bois de Boulogne?"
"Most probably."
"May I come with you?"
"The carriage belongs to you."
Without being surprised at the tone in which she answered him, he
got in and sat down by his wife's side and said: "Bois de Boulogne."
The footman jumped up beside the coachman, and the horses as usual
pranced and tossed their heads until they were in the street.
Husband and wife sat side by side without speaking. He was thinking
how to begin a conversation, but she maintained such an obstinately
hard look that he did not venture to make the attempt. At last,
however, he cunningly, accidentally as it were, touched the
countess' gloved hand with his own, but she drew her arm away with a
movement which was so expressive of disgust that he remained
thoughtful, in spite of his usual authoritative and despotic
character, and he said: "Gabrielle!"
"What do you want?"
"I think you are looking adorable."
She did not reply, but remained lying back in the carriage, looking
like an irritated queen. By that time they were driving up the
Champs Elysees, toward the Arc de Triomphe. That immense monument,
at the end of the long avenue, raised its colossal arch against the
red sky and the sun seemed to be descending on it, showering fiery
dust on it from the sky.
The stream of carriages, with dashes of sunlight reflected in the
silver trappings of the harness and the glass of the lamps, flowed
on in a double current toward the town and toward the Bois, and the
Comte de Mascaret continued: "My dear Gabrielle!"
Unable to control herself any longer, she replied in an exasperated
voice: "Oh! do leave me in peace, pray! I am not even allowed to
have my carriage to myself now." He pretended not to hear her and
continued: "You never have looked so pretty as you do to-day."
Her patience had come to an end, and she replied with irrepressible
anger: "You are wrong to notice it, for I swear to you that I will
never have anything to do with you in that way again."
The count was decidedly stupefied and upset, and, his violent nature
gaining the upper hand, he exclaimed: "What do you mean by that?" in
a tone that betrayed rather the brutal master than the lover. She
replied in a low voice, so that the servants might not hear amid the
deafening noise of the wheels: "Ah! What do I mean by that? What do
I mean by that? Now I recognize you again! Do you want me to tell
everything?"
"Yes."
"Everything that has weighed on my heart since I have been the
victim of your terrible selfishness?"
He had grown red with surprise and anger and he growled between his
closed teeth: "Yes, tell me everything."
He was a tall, broad-shouldered man, with a big red beard, a
handsome man, a nobleman, a man of the world, who passed as a
perfect husband and an excellent father, and now, for the first time
since they had started, she turned toward him and looked him full in
the face: "Ah! You will hear some disagreeable things, but you must
know that I am prepared for everything, that I fear nothing, and you
less than any one to-day."
He also was looking into her eyes and was already shaking with rage
as he said in a low voice: "You are mad."
"No, but I will no longer be the victim of the hateful penalty of
maternity, which you have inflicted on me for eleven years! I wish
to take my place in society as I have the right to do, as all women
have the right to do."
He suddenly grew pale again and stammered: "I do not understand
you."
"Oh! yes; you understand me well enough. It is now three months
since I had my last child, and as I am still very beautiful, and as,
in spite of all your efforts you cannot spoil my figure, as you just
now perceived, when you saw me on the doorstep, you think it is time
that I should think of having another child."
"But you are talking nonsense!"
"No, I am not, I am thirty, and I have had seven children, and we
have been married eleven years, and you hope that this will go on
for ten years longer, after which you will leave off being jealous."
He seized her arm and squeezed it, saying: "I will not allow you to
talk to me like that much longer."
"And I shall talk to you till the end, until I have finished all I
have to say to you, and if you try to prevent me, I shall raise my
voice so that the two servants, who are on the box, may hear. I only
allowed you to come with me for that object, for I have these
witnesses who will oblige you to listen to me and to contain
yourself, so now pay attention to what I say. I have always felt an
antipathy to you, and I have always let you see it, for I have never
lied, monsieur. You married me in spite of myself; you forced my
parents, who were in embarrassed circumstances, to give me to you,
because you were rich, and they obliged me to marry you in spite of
my tears.
"So you bought me, and as soon as I was in your power, as soon as I
had become your companion, ready to attach myself to you, to forget
your coercive and threatening proceedings, in order that I might
only remember that I ought to be a devoted wife and to love you as
much as it might be possible for me to love you, you became jealous,
you, as no man has ever been before, with the base, ignoble jealousy
of a spy, which was as degrading to you as it was to me. I had not
been married eight months when you suspected me of every
perfidiousness, and you even told me so. What a disgrace! And as you
could not prevent me from being beautiful and from pleasing people,
from being called in drawing-rooms and also in the newspapers one of
the most beautiful women in Paris, you tried everything you could
think of to keep admirers from me, and you hit upon the abominable
idea of making me spend my life in a constant state of motherhood,
until the time should come when I should disgust every man. Oh, do
not deny it. I did not understand it for some time, but then I
guessed it. You even boasted about it to your sister, who told me of
it, for she is fond of me and was disgusted at your boorish
coarseness.
"Ah! Remember how you have behaved in the past! How for eleven years
you have compelled me to give up all society and simply be a mother
to your children. And then you would grow disgusted with me and I
was sent into the country, the family chateau, among fields and
meadows. And when I reappeared, fresh, pretty and unspoiled, still
seductive and constantly surrounded by admirers, hoping that at last
I should live a little more like a rich young society woman, you
were seized with jealousy again, and you began once more to
persecute me with that infamous and hateful desire from which you
are suffering at this moment by my side. And it is not the desire of
possessing me--for I should never have refused myself to you, but it
is the wish to make me unsightly.
"And then that abominable and mysterious thing occurred which I was
a long time in understanding (but I grew sharp by dint of watching
your thoughts and actions): You attached yourself to your children
with all the security which they gave you while I bore them. You
felt affection for them, with all your aversion to me, and in spite
of your ignoble fears, which were momentarily allayed by your
pleasure in seeing me lose my symmetry.
"Oh! how often have I noticed that joy in you! I have seen it in
your eyes and guessed it. You loved your children as victories, and
not because they were of your own blood. They were victories over
me, over my youth, over my beauty, over my charms, over the
compliments which were paid me and over those that were whispered
around me without being paid to me personally. And you are proud of
them, you make a parade of them, you take them out for drives in
your break in the Bois de Boulogne and you give them donkey rides at
Montmorency. You take them to theatrical matinees so that you may be
seen in the midst of them, so that the people may say: 'What a kind
father' and that it may be repeated----"
He had seized her wrist with savage brutality, and he squeezed it so
violently that she was quiet and nearly cried out with the pain and
he said to her in a whisper:
"I love my children, do you hear? What you have just told me is
disgraceful in a mother. But you belong to me; I am master--your
master --I can exact from you what I like and when I like--and I
have the law-on my side."
He was trying to crush her fingers in the strong grip of his large,
muscular hand, and she, livid with pain, tried in vain to free them
from that vise which was crushing them. The agony made her breathe
hard and the tears came into her eyes. "You see that I am the master
and the stronger," he said. When he somewhat loosened his grip, she
asked him: "Do you think that I am a religious woman?"
He was surprised and stammered "Yes."
"Do you think that I could lie if I swore to the truth of anything
to you before an altar on which Christ's body is?"
"No."
"Will you go with me to some church?"
"What for?"
"You shall see. Will you?"
"If you absolutely wish it, yes."
She raised her voice and said: "Philippe!" And the coachman, bending
down a little, without taking his eyes from his horses, seemed to
turn his ear alone toward his mistress, who continued: "Drive to St.
Philippe-du- Roule." And the-victoria, which had reached the
entrance of the Bois de Boulogne returned to Paris.
Husband and wife (did riot exchange a word further during the drive,
and when the carriage stopped before the church Madame de Mascaret
jumped out and entered it, followed by the count, a few yards
distant. She went, without stopping, as far as the choir-screen, and
falling on her knees at a chair, she buried her face in her hands.
She prayed for a long time, and he, standing behind her could see
that she was crying. She wept noiselessly, as women weep when they
are in great, poignant grief. There was a kind of undulation in her
body, which ended in a little sob, which was hidden and stifled by
her fingers.
But the Comte de Mascaret thought that the situation was lasting too
long, and he touched her on the shoulder. That contact recalled her
to herself, as if she had been burned, and getting up, she looked
straight into his eyes. "This is what I have to say to you. I am
afraid of nothing, whatever you may do to me. You may kill me if you
like. One of your children is not yours, and one only; that I swear
to you before God, who hears me here. That was the only revenge that
was possible for me in return for all your abominable masculine
tyrannies, in return for the penal servitude of childbearing to
which you have condemned me. Who was my lover? That you never will
know! You may suspect every one, but you never will find out. I gave
myself to him, without love and without pleasure, only for the sake
of betraying you, and he also made me a mother. Which is the child?
That also you never will know. I have seven; try to find out! I
intended to tell you this later, for one has not avenged oneself on
a man by deceiving him, unless he knows it. You have driven me to
confess it today. I have now finished."
She hurried through the church toward the open door, expecting to
hear behind her the quick step: of her husband whom she had defied
and to be knocked to the ground by a blow of his fist, but she heard
nothing and reached her carriage. She jumped into it at a bound,
overwhelmed with anguish and breathless with fear. So she called out
to the coachman: "Home!" and the horses set off at a quick trot.
II
The Comtesse de Mascaret was waiting in her room for dinner time as
a criminal sentenced to death awaits the hour of his execution. What
was her husband going to do? Had he come home? Despotic, passionate,
ready for any violence as he was, what was he meditating, what had
he made up his mind to do? There was no sound in the house, and
every moment she looked at the clock. Her lady's maid had come and
dressed her for the evening and had then left the room again. Eight
o'clock struck and almost at the same moment there were two knocks
at the door, and the butler came in and announced dinner.
"Has the count come in?"
"Yes, Madame la Comtesse. He is in the diningroom."
For a little moment she felt inclined to arm herself with a small
revolver which she had bought some time before, foreseeing the
tragedy which was being rehearsed in her heart. But she remembered
that all the children would be there, and she took nothing except a
bottle of smelling salts. He rose somewhat ceremoniously from his
chair. They exchanged a slight bow and sat down. The three boys with
their tutor, Abbe Martin, were on her right and the three girls,
with Miss Smith, their English governess, were on her left. The
youngest child, who was only three months old, remained upstairs
with his nurse.
The abbe said grace as usual when there was no company, for the
children did not come down to dinner when guests were present. Then
they began dinner. The countess, suffering from emotion, which she
had not calculated upon, remained with her eyes cast down, while the
count scrutinized now the three boys and now the three girls. with
an uncertain, unhappy expression, which travelled from one to the
other. Suddenly pushing his wineglass from him, it broke, and the
wine was spilt on the tablecloth, and at the slight noise caused by
this little accident the countess started up from her chair; and for
the first time they looked at each other. Then, in spite of
themselves, in spite of the irritation of their nerves caused by
every glance, they continued to exchange looks, rapid as pistol
shots.
The abbe, who felt that there was some cause for embarrassment which
he could not divine, attempted to begin a conversation and tried
various subjects, but his useless efforts gave rise to no ideas and
did not bring out a word. The countess, with feminine tact and
obeying her instincts of a woman of the world, attempted to answer
him two or three times, but in vain. She could not find words, in
the perplexity of her mind, and her own voice almost frightened her
in the silence of the large room, where nothing was heard except the
slight sound of plates and knives and forks.
Suddenly her husband said to her, bending forward: "Here, amid your
children, will you swear to me that what you told me just now is
true?"
The hatred which was fermenting in her veins suddenly roused her,
and replying to that question with the same firmness with which she
had replied to his looks, she raised both her hands, the right
pointing toward the boys and the left toward the girls, and said in
a firm, resolute voice and without any hesitation: "On the head of
my children, I swear that I have told you the truth."
He got up and throwing his table napkin on the table with a movement
of exasperation, he turned round and flung his chair against the
wall, and then went out without another word, while she, uttering a
deep sigh, as if after a first victory, went on in a calm voice:
"You must not pay any attention to what your father has just said,
my darlings; he was very much upset a short time ago, but he will be
all right again in a few days."
Then she talked with the abbe and Miss Smith and had tender, pretty
words for all her children, those sweet, tender mother's ways which
unfold little hearts.
When dinner was over she went into the drawing-room, all her
children following her. She made the elder ones chatter, and when
their bedtime came she kissed them for a long time and then went
alone into her room.
She waited, for she had no doubt that the count would come, and she
made up her mind then, as her children were not with her, to protect
herself as a woman of the world as she would protect her life, and
in the pocket of her dress she put the little loaded revolver which
she had bought a few days previously. The hours went by, the hours
struck, and every sound was hushed in the house. Only the cabs,
continued to rumble through the streets, but their noise was only
heard vaguely through the shuttered and curtained windows.
She waited, full of nervous energy, without any fear of him now,
ready for anything, and almost triumphant, for she had found means
of torturing him continually during every moment of his life.
But the first gleam of dawn came in through the fringe at the bottom
of her curtain without his having come into her room, and then she
awoke to the fact, with much amazement, that he was not coming.
Having locked and bolted her door, for greater security, she went to
bed at last and remained there, with her eyes open, thinking and
barely understanding it all, without being able to guess what he was
going to do.
When her maid brought her tea she at the same time handed her a
letter from her husband. He told her that he was going to undertake
a longish journey and in a postscript added that his lawyer would
provide her with any sums of money she might require for all her
expenses.
III
It was at the opera, between two acts of "Robert the Devil." In the
stalls the men were standing up, with their hats on, their
waistcoats cut very low so as to show a large amount of white shirt
front, in which gold and jewelled studs glistened, and were looking
at the boxes full of ladies in low dresses covered with diamonds and
pearls, who were expanding like flowers in that illuminated
hothouse, where the beauty of their faces and the whiteness of their
shoulders seemed to bloom in order to be gazed at, amid the sound of
the music and of human voices.
Two friends, with their backs to the orchestra, were scanning those
rows of elegance, that exhibition of real or false charms, of
jewels, of luxury and of pretension which displayed itself in all
parts of the Grand Theatre, and one of them, Roger de Salnis, said
to his companion, Bernard Grandin:
"Just look how beautiful the Comtesse de Mascaret still is."
The older man in turn looked through his opera glasses at a tall
lady in a box opposite. She appeared to be still very young, and her
striking beauty seemed to attract all eyes in every corner of the
house. Her pale complexion, of an ivory tint, gave her the
appearance of a statue, while a small diamond coronet glistened on
her black hair like a streak of light.
When he had looked at her for some time, Bernard Grandin replied
with a jocular accent of sincere conviction: "You may well call her
beautiful!"
"How old do you think she is?"
"Wait a moment. I can tell you exactly, for I have known her since
she was a child and I saw her make her debut into society when she
was quite a girl. She is--she is--thirty--thirty-six."
"Impossible!"
"I am sure of it."
"She looks twenty-five."
"She has had seven children."
"It is incredible."
"And what is more, they are all seven alive, as she is a very good
mother. I occasionally go to the house, which is a very quiet and
pleasant one, where one may see the phenomenon of the family in the
midst of society."
"How very strange! And have there never been any reports about her?"
"Never."
"But what about her husband? He is peculiar, is he not?"
"Yes and no. Very likely there has been a little drama between them,
one of those little domestic dramas which one suspects, never finds
out exactly, but guesses at pretty closely."
"What is it?"
"I do not know anything about it. Mascaret leads a very fast life
now, after being a model husband. As long as he remained a good
spouse he had a shocking temper, was crabbed and easily took
offence, but since he has been leading his present wild life he has
become quite different, But one might surmise that he has some
trouble, a worm gnawing somewhere, for he has aged very much."
Thereupon the two friends talked philosophically for some minutes
about the secret, unknowable troubles which differences of character
or perhaps physical antipathies, which were not perceived at first,
give rise to in families, and then Roger de Salnis, who was still
looking at Madame de Mascaret through his opera glasses, said: "It
is almost incredible that that woman can have had seven children!"
"Yes, in eleven years; after which, when she was thirty, she refused
to have any more, in order to take her place in society, which she
seems likely to do for many years."
"Poor women!"
"Why do you pity them?"
"Why? Ah! my dear fellow, just consider! Eleven years in a condition
of motherhood for such a woman! What a hell! All her youth, all her
beauty, every hope of success, every poetical ideal of a brilliant
life sacrificed to that abominable law of reproduction which turns
the normal woman into a mere machine for bringing children into the
world."
"What would you have? It is only Nature!"
"Yes, but I say that Nature is our enemy, that we must always fight
against Nature, for she is continually bringing us back to an animal
state. You may be sure that God has not put anything on this earth
that is clean, pretty, elegant or accessory to our ideal; the human
brain has done it. It is man who has introduced a little grace,
beauty, unknown charm and mystery into creation by singing about it,
interpreting it, by admiring it as a poet, idealizing it as an
artist and by explaining it through science, doubtless making
mistakes, but finding ingenious reasons, hidden grace and beauty,
unknown charm and mystery in the various phenomena of Nature. God
created only coarse beings, full of the germs of disease, who, after
a few years of bestial enjoyment, grow old and infirm, with all the
ugliness and all the want of power of human decrepitude. He seems to
have made them only in order that they may reproduce their species
in an ignoble manner and then die like ephemeral insects. I said
reproduce their species in an ignoble manner and I adhere to that
expression. What is there as a matter of fact more ignoble and more
repugnant than that act of reproduction of living beings, against
which all delicate minds always have revolted and always will
revolt? Since all the organs which have been invented by this
economical and malicious Creator serve two purposes, why did He not
choose another method of performing that sacred mission, which is
the noblest and the most exalted of all human functions? The mouth,
which nourishes the body by means of material food, also diffuses
abroad speech and thought. Our flesh renews itself of its own
accord, while we are thinking about it. The olfactory organs,
through which the vital air reaches the lungs, communicate all the
perfumes of the world to the brain: the smell of flowers, of woods,
of trees, of the sea. The ear, which enables us to communicate with
our fellow men, has also allowed us to invent music, to create
dreams, happiness, infinite and even physical pleasure by means of
sound! But one might say that the cynical and cunning Creator wished
to prohibit man from ever ennobling and idealizing his intercourse
with women. Nevertheless man has found love, which is not a bad
reply to that sly Deity, and he has adorned it with so much poetry
that woman often forgets the sensual part of it. Those among us who
are unable to deceive themselves have invented vice and refined
debauchery, which is another way of laughing at God and paying
homage, immodest homage, to beauty.
"But the normal man begets children just like an animal coupled with
another by law.
"Look at that woman! Is it not abominable to think that such a
jewel, such a pearl, born to be beautiful, admired, feted and
adored, has spent eleven years of her life in providing heirs for
the Comte de Mascaret?"
Bernard Grandin replied with a laugh: "There is a great deal of
truth in all that, but very few people would understand you."
Salnis became more and more animated. "Do you know how I picture God
myself?" he said. "As an enormous, creative organ beyond our ken,
who scatters millions of worlds into space, just as one single fish
would deposit its spawn in the sea. He creates because it is His
function as God to do so, but He does not know what He is doing and
is stupidly prolific in His work and is ignorant of the combinations
of all kinds which are produced by His scattered germs. The human
mind is a lucky little local, passing accident which was totally
unforeseen, and condemned to disappear with this earth and to
recommence perhaps here or elsewhere the same or different with
fresh combinations of eternally new beginnings. We owe it to this
little lapse of intelligence on His part that we are very
uncomfortable in this world which was not made for us, which had not
been prepared to receive us, to lodge and feed us or to satisfy
reflecting beings, and we owe it to Him also that we have to
struggle without ceasing against what are still called the designs
of Providence, when we are really refined and civilized beings."
Grandin, who was listening to him attentively as he had long known
the surprising outbursts of his imagination, asked him: "Then you
believe that human thought is the spontaneous product of blind
divine generation?"
"Naturally! A fortuitous function of the nerve centres of our brain,
like the unforeseen chemical action due to new mixtures and similar
also to a charge of electricity, caused by friction or the
unexpected proximity of some substance, similar to all phenomena
caused by the infinite and fruitful fermentation of living matter.
"But, my dear fellow, the truth of this must be evident to any one
who looks about him. If the human mind, ordained by an omniscient
Creator, had been intended to be what it has become, exacting,
inquiring, agitated, tormented--so different from mere animal
thought and resignation--would the world which was created to
receive the beings which we now are have been this unpleasant little
park for small game, this salad patch, this wooded, rocky and
spherical kitchen garden where your improvident Providence had
destined us to live naked, in caves or under trees, nourished on the
flesh of slaughtered animals, our brethren, or on raw vegetables
nourished by the sun and the rain?
"But it is sufficient to reflect for a moment, in order to
understand that this world was not made for such creatures as we
are. Thought, which is developed by a miracle in the nerves of the
cells in our brain, powerless, ignorant and confused as it is, and
as it will always remain, makes all of us who are intellectual
beings eternal and wretched exiles on earth.
"Look at this earth, as God has given it to those who inhabit it. Is
it not visibly and solely made, planted and covered with forests for
the sake of animals? What is there for us? Nothing. And for them,
everything, and they have nothing to do but to eat or go hunting and
eat each other, according to their instincts, for God never foresaw
gentleness and peaceable manners; He only foresaw the death of
creatures which were bent on destroying and devouring each other.
Are not the quail, the pigeon and the partridge the natural prey of
the hawk? the sheep, the stag and the ox that of the great
flesh-eating animals, rather than meat to be fattened and served up
to us with truffles, which have been unearthed by pigs for our
special benefit?
"As to ourselves, the more civilized, intellectual and refined we
are, the more we ought to conquer and subdue that animal instinct,
which represents the will of God in us. And so, in order to mitigate
our lot as brutes, we have discovered and made everything, beginning
with houses, then exquisite food, sauces, sweetmeats, pastry, drink,
stuffs, clothes, ornaments, beds, mattresses, carriages, railways
and innumerable machines, besides arts and sciences, writing and
poetry. Every ideal comes from us as do all the amenities of life,
in order to make our existence as simple reproducers, for which
divine Providence solely intended us, less monotonous and less hard.
"Look at this theatre. Is there not here a human world created by
us, unforeseen and unknown to eternal fate, intelligible to our
minds alone, a sensual and intellectual distraction, which has been
invented solely by and for that discontented and restless little
animal, man?
"Look at that woman, Madame de Mascaret. God intended her to live in
a cave, naked or wrapped up in the skins of wild animals. But is she
not better as she is? But, speaking of her, does any one know why
and how her brute of a husband, having such a companion by his side,
and especially after having been boorish enough to make her a mother
seven times, has suddenly left her, to run after bad women?"
Grandin replied: "Oh! my dear fellow, this is probably the only
reason. He found that raising a family was becoming too expensive,
and from reasons of domestic economy he has arrived at the same
principles which you lay down as a philosopher."
Just then the curtain rose for the third act, and they turned round,
took off their hats and sat down.
IV
The Comte and Comtesse Mascaret were sitting side by side in the
carriage which was taking them home from the Opera, without speaking
but suddenly the husband said to his wife: "Gabrielle!"
"What do you want?"
"Don't you think that this has lasted long enough?"
"What?"
"The horrible punishment to which you have condemned me for the last
six years?"
"What do you want? I cannot help it."
"Then tell me which of them it is."
"Never."
"Think that I can no longer see my children or feel them round me,
without having my heart burdened with this doubt. Tell me which of
them it is, and I swear that I will forgive you and treat it like
the others."
"I have not the right to do so."
"Do you not see that I can no longer endure this life, this thought
which is wearing me out, or this question which I am constantly
asking myself, this question which tortures me each time I look at
them? It is driving me mad."
"Then you have suffered a great deal?" she said.
"Terribly. Should I, without that, have accepted the horror of
living by your side, and the still greater horror of feeling and
knowing that there is one among them whom I cannot recognize and who
prevents me from loving the others?"
"Then you have really suffered very much?" she repeated.
And he replied in a constrained and sorrowful voice:
"Yes, for do I not tell you every day that it is intolerable torture
to me? Should I have remained in that house, near you and them, if I
did not love them? Oh! You have behaved abominably toward me. All
the affection of my heart I have bestowed upon my children, and that
you know. I am for them a father of the olden time, as I was for you
a husband of one of the families of old, for by instinct I have
remained a natural man, a man of former days. Yes, I will confess
it, you have made me terribly jealous, because you are a woman of
another race, of another soul, with other requirements. Oh! I shall
never forget the things you said to me, but from that day I troubled
myself no more about you. I did not kill you, because then I should
have had no means on earth of ever discovering which of our--of your
children is not mine. I have waited, but I have suffered more than
you would believe, for I can no longer venture to love them, except,
perhaps, the two eldest; I no longer venture to look at them, to
call them to me, to kiss them; I cannot take them on my knee without
asking myself, 'Can it be this one?' I have been correct in my
behavior toward you for six years, and even kind and complaisant.
Tell me the truth, and I swear that I will do nothing unkind."
He thought, in spite of the darkness of the carriage, that he could
perceive that she was moved, and feeling certain that she was going
to speak at last, he said: "I beg you, I beseech you to tell me" he
said.
"I have been more guilty than you think perhaps," she replied, "but
I could no longer endure that life of continual motherhood, and I
had only one means of driving you from me. I lied before God and I
lied, with my hand raised to my children's head, for I never have
wronged you."
He seized her arm in the darkness, and squeezing it as he had done
on that terrible day of their drive in the Bois de Boulogne, he
stammered:
"Is that true?"
"It is true."
But, wild with grief, he said with a groan: "I shall have fresh
doubts that will never end! When did you lie, the last time or now?
How am I to believe you at present? How can one believe a woman
after that? I shall never again know what I am to think. I would
rather you had said to me, 'It is Jacques or it is Jeanne.'"
The carriage drove into the courtyard of the house and when it had
drawn up in front of the steps the count alighted first, as usual,
and offered his wife his arm to mount the stairs. As soon as they
reached the first floor he said: "May I speak to you for a few
moments longer?" And she replied, "I am quite willing."
They went into a small drawing-room and a footman, in some surprise,
lighted the wax candles. As soon as he had left the room and they
were alone the count continued: "How am I to know the truth? I have
begged you a thousand times to speak, but you have remained dumb,
impenetrable, inflexible, inexorable, and now to-day you tell me
that you have been lying. For six years you have actually allowed me
to believe such a thing! No, you are lying now, I do not know why,
but out of pity for me, perhaps?"
She replied in a sincere and convincing manner: "If I had not done
so, I should have had four more children in the last six years!"
"Can a mother speak like that?"
"Oh!" she replied, "I do not feel that I am the mother of children
who never have been born; it is enough for me to be the mother of
those that I have and to love them with all my heart. I am a woman
of the civilized world, monsieur--we all are--and we are no longer,
and we refuse to be, mere females to restock the earth."
She got up, but he seized her hands. "Only one word, Gabrielle. Tell
me the truth!"
"I have just told you. I never have dishonored you."
He looked her full in the face, and how beautiful she was, with her
gray eyes, like the cold sky. In her dark hair sparkled the diamond
coronet, like a radiance. He suddenly felt, felt by a kind of
intuition, that this grand creature was not merely a being destined
to perpetuate the race, but the strange and mysterious product of
all our complicated desires which have been accumulating in us for
centuries but which have been turned aside from their primitive and
divine object and have wandered after a mystic, imperfectly
perceived and intangible beauty. There are some women like that, who
blossom only for our dreams, adorned with every poetical attribute
of civilization, with that ideal luxury, coquetry and esthetic charm
which surround woman, a living statue that brightens our life.
Her husband remained standing before her, stupefied at his tardy and
obscure discovery, confusedly hitting on the cause of his former
jealousy and understanding it all very imperfectly, and at last lie
said: "I believe you, for I feel at this moment that you are not
lying, and before I really thought that you were."
She put out her hand to him: "We are friends then?"
He took her hand and kissed it and replied: "We are friends. Thank
you, Gabrielle."
Then he went out, still looking at her, and surprised that she was
still so beautiful and feeling a strange emotion arising in him.