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I was to see my old
friend, Simon Radevin, of whom I had lost sight for fifteen years.
At one time he was my most intimate friend, the friend who knows
one's thoughts, with whom one passes long, quiet, happy evenings, to
whom one tells one's secret love affairs, and who seems to draw out
those rare, ingenious, delicate thoughts born of that sympathy that
gives a sense of repose.
For years we had scarcely been separated; we had lived, travelled,
thought and dreamed together; had liked the same things, had admired
the same books, understood the same authors, trembled with the same
sensations, and very often laughed at the same individuals, whom we
understood completely by merely exchanging a glance.
Then he married. He married, quite suddenly, a little girl from the
provinces, who had come to Paris in search of a husband. How in the
world could that little thin, insipidly fair girl, with her weak
hands, her light, vacant eyes, and her clear, silly voice, who was
exactly like a hundred thousand marriageable dolls, have picked up
that intelligent, clever young fellow? Can any one understand these
things? No doubt he had hoped for happiness, simple, quiet and
long-enduring happiness, in the arms of a good, tender and faithful
woman; he had seen all that in the transparent looks of that
schoolgirl with light hair.
He had not dreamed of the fact that an active, living and vibrating
man grows weary of everything as soon as he understands the stupid
reality, unless, indeed, he becomes so brutalized that he
understands nothing whatever.
What would he be like when I met him again? Still lively, witty,
light- hearted and enthusiastic, or in a state of mental torpor
induced by provincial life? A man may change greatly in the course
of fifteen years!
The train stopped at a small station, and as I got out of the
carriage, a stout, a very stout man with red cheeks and a big
stomach rushed up to me with open arms, exclaiming: "George!" I
embraced him, but I had not recognized him, and then I said, in
astonishment: "By Jove! You have not grown thin!" And he replied
with a laugh:
"What did you expect? Good living, a good table and good nights!
Eating and sleeping, that is my existence!"
I looked at him closely, trying to discover in that broad face the
features I held so dear. His eyes alone had not changed, but I no
longer saw the same expression in them, and I said to myself: "If
the expression be the reflection of the mind, the thoughts in that
head are not what they used to be formerly; those thoughts which I
knew so well."
Yet his eyes were bright, full of happiness and friendship, but they
had not that clear, intelligent expression which shows as much as
words the brightness of the intellect. Suddenly he said:
"Here are my two eldest children." A girl of fourteen, who was
almost a woman, and a boy of thirteen, in the dress of a boy from a
Lycee, came forward in a hesitating and awkward manner, and I said
in a low voice: "Are they yours?" "Of course they are," he replied,
laughing. "How many have you?" "Five! There are three more at home."
He said this in a proud, self-satisfied, almost triumphant manner,
and I felt profound pity, mingled with a feeling of vague contempt,
for this vainglorious and simple reproducer of his species.
I got into a carriage which he drove himself, and we set off through
the town, a dull, sleepy, gloomy town where nothing was moving in
the streets except a few dogs and two or three maidservants. Here
and there a shopkeeper, standing at his door, took off his hat, and
Simon returned his salute and told me the man's name; no doubt to
show me that he knew all the inhabitants personally, and the thought
struck me that he was thinking of becoming a candidate for the
Chamber of Deputies, that dream of all those who bury themselves in
the provinces.
We were soon out of the town, and the carriage turned into a garden
that was an imitation of a park, and stopped in front of a turreted
house, which tried to look like a chateau.
"That is my den," said Simon, so that I might compliment him on it.
"It is charming," I replied.
A lady appeared on the steps, dressed for company, and with company
phrases all ready prepared. She was no longer the light-haired,
insipid girl I had seen in church fifteen years previously, but a
stout lady in curls and flounces, one of those ladies of uncertain
age, without intellect, without any of those things that go to make
a woman. In short, she was a mother, a stout, commonplace mother, a
human breeding machine which procreates without any other
preoccupation but her children and her cook-book.
She welcomed me, and I went into the hall, where three children,
ranged according to their height, seemed set out for review, like
firemen before a mayor, and I said: "Ah! ah! so there are the
others?" Simon, radiant with pleasure, introduced them: "Jean,
Sophie and Gontran."
The door of the drawing-room was open. I went in, and in the depths
of an easy-chair, I saw something trembling, a man, an old,
paralyzed man. Madame Radevin came forward and said: "This is my
grandfather, monsieur; he is eighty-seven." And then she shouted
into the shaking old man's ears: "This is a friend of Simon's,
papa." The old gentleman tried to say "good-day" to me, and he
muttered: "Oua, oua, oua," and waved his hand, and I took a seat
saying: "You are very kind, monsieur."
Simon had just come in, and he said with a laugh: "So! You have made
grandpapa's acquaintance. He is a treasure, that old man; he is the
delight of the children. But he is so greedy that he almost kills
himself at every meal; you have no idea what he would eat if he were
allowed to do as he pleased. But you will see, you will see. He
looks at all the sweets as if they were so many girls. You never saw
anything so funny; you will see presently."
I was then shown to my room, to change my dress for dinner, and
hearing a great clatter behind me on the stairs, I turned round and
saw that all the children were following me behind their father; to
do me honor, no doubt.
My windows looked out across a dreary, interminable plain, an ocean
of grass, of wheat and of oats, without a clump of trees or any
rising ground, a striking and melancholy picture of the life which
they must be leading in that house.
A bell rang; it was for dinner, and I went downstairs. Madame
Radevin took my arm in a ceremonious manner, and we passed into the
dining-room. A footman wheeled in the old man in his armchair. He
gave a greedy and curious look at the dessert, as he turned his
shaking head with difficulty from one dish to the other.
Simon rubbed his hands: "You will be amused," he said; and all the
children understanding that I was going to be indulged with the
sight of their greedy grandfather, began to laugh, while their
mother merely smiled and shrugged her shoulders, and Simon, making a
speaking trumpet of his hands, shouted at the old man: "This evening
there is sweet creamed rice!" The wrinkled face of the grandfather
brightened, and he trembled more violently, from head to foot,
showing that he had understood and was very pleased. The dinner
began.
"Just look!" Simon whispered. The old man did not like the soup, and
refused to eat it; but he was obliged to do it for the good of his
health, and the footman forced the spoon into his mouth, while the
old man blew so energetically, so as not to swallow the soup, that
it was scattered like a spray all over the table and over his
neighbors. The children writhed with laughter at the spectacle,
while their father, who was also amused, said: "Is not the old man
comical?"
During the whole meal they were taken up solely with him. He
devoured the dishes on the table with his eyes, and tried to seize
them and pull them over to him with his trembling hands. They put
them almost within his reach, to see his useless efforts, his
trembling clutches at them, the piteous appeal of his whole nature,
of his eyes, of his mouth and of his nose as he smelt them, and he
slobbered on his table napkin with eagerness, while uttering
inarticulate grunts. And the whole family was highly amused at this
horrible and grotesque scene.
Then they put a tiny morsel on his plate, and he ate with feverish
gluttony, in order to get something more as soon as possible, and
when the sweetened rice was brought in, he nearly had a fit, and
groaned with greediness, and Gontran called out to him:
"You have eaten too much already; you can have no more." And they
pretended not to give him any. Then he began to cry; he cried and
trembled more violently than ever, while all the children laughed.
At last, however, they gave him his helping, a very small piece; and
as he ate the first mouthful, he made a comical noise in his throat,
and a movement with his neck as ducks do when they swallow too large
a morsel, and when he had swallowed it, he began to stamp his feet,
so as to get more.
I was seized with pity for this saddening and ridiculous Tantalus,
and interposed on his behalf:
"Come, give him a little more rice!" But Simon replied: "Oh! no, my
dear fellow, if he were to eat too much, it would harm him, at his
age."
I held my tongue, and thought over those words. Oh, ethics! Oh,
logic! Oh, wisdom! At his age! So they deprived him of his only
remaining pleasure out of regard for his health! His health! What
would he do with it, inert and trembling wreck that he was? They
were taking care of his life, so they said. His life? How many days?
Ten, twenty, fifty, or a hundred? Why? For his own sake? Or to
preserve for some time longer the spectacle of his impotent
greediness in the family.
There was nothing left for him to do in this life, nothing whatever.
He had one single wish left, one sole pleasure; why not grant him
that last solace until he died?
After we had played cards for a long time, I went up to my room and
to bed; I was low-spirited and sad, sad, sad! and I sat at my
window. Not a sound could be heard outside but the beautiful
warbling of a bird in a tree, somewhere in the distance. No doubt
the bird was singing in a low voice during the night, to lull his
mate, who was asleep on her eggs. And I thought of my poor friend's
five children, and pictured him to myself, snoring by the side of
his ugly wife.