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I
I REMEMBER, when I was a high school boy in the fifth or sixth
class, I was driving with my grandfather from the village of
Bolshoe Kryepkoe in the Don region to Rostov-on-the-Don. It was a
sultry, languidly dreary day of August. Our eyes were glued
together, and our mouths were parched from the heat and the dry
burning wind which drove clouds of dust to meet us; one did not
want to look or speak or think, and when our drowsy driver, a
Little Russian called Karpo, swung his whip at the horses and
lashed me on my cap, I did not protest or utter a sound, but only,
rousing myself from half-slumber, gazed mildly and dejectedly into
the distance to see whether there was a village visible through the
dust. We stopped to feed the horses in a big Armenian village at a
rich Armenian's whom my grandfather knew. Never in my life have I
seen a greater caricature than that Armenian. Imagine a little
shaven head with thick overhanging eyebrows, a beak of a nose, long
gray mustaches, and a wide mouth with a long cherry-wood chibouk
sticking out of it. This little head was clumsily attached to a
lean hunch-back carcass attired in a fantastic garb, a short red
jacket, and full bright blue trousers. This figure walked
straddling its legs and shuffling with its slippers, spoke without
taking the chibouk out of its mouth, and behaved with truly
Armenian dignity, not smiling, but staring with wide-open eyes and
trying to take as little notice as possible of its guests.
There was neither wind nor dust in the Armenian's rooms, but it was
just as unpleasant, stifling, and dreary as in the steppe and on
the road. I remember, dusty and exhausted by the heat, I sat in the
corner on a green box. The unpainted wooden walls, the furniture,
and the floors colored with yellow ocher smelt of dry wood baked by
the sun. Wherever I looked there were flies and flies and flies. .
. . Grandfather and the Armenian were talking about grazing, about
manure, and about oats. . . . I knew that they would be a good hour
getting the samovar; that grandfather would be not less than an
hour drinking his tea, and then would lie down to sleep for two or
three hours; that I should waste a quarter of the day waiting,
after which there would be again the heat, the dust, the jolting
cart. I heard the muttering of the two voices, and it began to seem
to me that I had been seeing the Armenian, the cupboard with the
crockery, the flies, the windows with the burning sun beating on
them, for ages and ages, and should only cease to see them in the
far-off future, and I was seized with hatred for the steppe, the
sun, the flies.. . .
A Little Russian peasant woman in a kerchief brought in a tray of
tea-things, then the samovar. The Armenian went slowly out into the
passage and shouted: "Mashya, come and pour out tea! Where are you,
Mashya?"
Hurried footsteps were heard, and there came into the room a girl
of sixteen in a simple cotton dress and a white kerchief. As she
washed the crockery and poured out the tea, she was standing with
her back to me, and all I could see was that she was of a slender
figure, barefooted, and that her little bare heels were covered by
long trousers.
The Armenian invited me to have tea. Sitting down to the table, I
glanced at the girl, who was handing me a glass of tea, and felt
all at once as though a wind were blowing over my soul and blowing
away all the impressions of the day with their dust and dreariness.
I saw the bewitching features of the most beautiful face I have
ever met in real life or in my dreams. Before me stood a beauty,
and I recognized that at the first glance as I should have
recognized lightning.
I am ready to swear that Masha -- or, as her father called her,
Mashya -- was a real beauty, but I don't know how to prove it. It
sometimes happens that clouds are huddled together in disorder on
the horizon, and the sun hiding behind them colors them and the sky
with tints of every possible shade--crimson, orange, gold, lilac,
muddy pink; one cloud is like a monk, another like a fish, a third
like a Turk in a turban. The glow of sunset enveloping a third of
the sky gleams on the cross on the church, flashes on the windows
of the manor house, is reflected in the river and the puddles,
quivers on the trees; far, far away against the background of the
sunset, a flock of wild ducks is flying homewards. . . . And the
boy herding the cows, and the surveyor driving in his chaise over
the dam, and the gentleman out for a walk, all gaze at the sunset,
and every one of them thinks it terribly beautiful, but no one
knows or can say in what its beauty lies.
I was not the only one to think the Armenian girl beautiful. My
grandfather, an old man of seventy, gruff and indifferent to women
and the beauties of nature, looked caressingly at Masha for a full
minute, and asked:
"Is that your daughter, Avert Nazaritch?"
"Yes, she is my daughter," answered the Armenian.
"A fine young lady," said my grandfather approvingly.
An artist would have called the Armenian girl's beauty classical
and severe, it was just that beauty, the contemplation of which --
God knows why!-- inspires in one the conviction that one is seeing
correct features; that hair, eyes, nose, mouth, neck, bosom, and
every movement of the young body all go together in one complete
harmonious accord in which nature has not blundered over the
smallest line. You fancy for some reason that the ideally beautiful
woman must have such a nose as Masha's, straight and slightly
aquiline, just such great dark eyes, such long lashes, such a
languid glance; you fancy that her black curly hair and eyebrows go
with the soft white tint of her brow and cheeks as the green reeds
go with the quiet stream. Masha's white neck and her youthful bosom
were not fully developed, but you fancy the sculptor would need a
great creative genius to mold them. You gaze, and little by little
the desire comes over you to say to Masha something extraordinarily
pleasant, sincere, beautiful, as beautiful as she herself was.
At first I felt hurt and abashed that Masha took no notice of me,
but was all the time looking down; it seemed to me as though a
peculiar atmosphere, proud and happy, separated her from me and
jealously screened her from my eyes.
"That's because I am covered with dust," I thought, "am sunburnt,
and am still a boy."
But little by little I forgot myself, and gave myself up entirely
to the consciousness of beauty. I thought no more now of the dreary
steppe, of the dust, no longer heard the buzzing of the flies, no
longer tasted the tea, and felt nothing except that a beautiful
girl was standing only the other side of the table.
I felt this beauty rather strangely. It was not desire, nor ecstacy,
nor enjoyment that Masha excited in me, but a painful though
pleasant sadness. It was a sadness vague and undefined as a dream.
For some reason I felt sorry for myself, for my grandfather and for
the Armenian, even for the girl herself, and I had a feeling as
though we all four had lost something important and essential to
life which we should never find again. My grandfather, too, grew
melancholy; he talked no more about manure or about oats, but sat
silent, looking pensively at Masha.
After tea my grandfather lay down for a nap while I went out of the
house into the porch. The house, like all the houses in the
Armenian village stood in the full sun; there was not a tree, not
an awning, no shade. The Armenian's great courtyard, overgrown with
goosefoot and wild mallows, was lively and full of gaiety in spite
of the great heat. Threshing was going on behind one of the low
hurdles which intersected the big yard here and there. Round a post
stuck into the middle of the threshing-floor ran a dozen horses
harnessed side by side, so that they formed one long radius. A
Little Russian in a long waistcoat and full trousers was walking
beside them, cracking a whip and shouting in a tone that sounded as
though he were jeering at the horses and showing off his power over
them.
"A--a--a, you damned brutes! . . . A--a--a, plague take you! Are
you frightened?"
The horses, sorrel, white, and piebald, not understanding why they
were made to run round in one place and to crush the wheat straw,
ran unwillingly as though with effort, swinging their tails with an
offended air. The wind raised up perfect clouds of golden chaff
from under their hoofs and carried it away far beyond the hurdle.
Near the tall fresh stacks peasant women were swarming with rakes,
and carts were moving, and beyond the stacks in another yard
another dozen similar horses were running round a post, and a
similar Little Russian was cracking his whip and jeering at the
horses.
The steps on which I was sitting were hot; on the thin rails and
here and there on the window-frames sap was oozing out of the wood
from the heat; red ladybirds were huddling together in the streaks
of shadow under the steps and under the shutters. The sun was
baking me on my head, on my chest, and on my back, but I did not
notice it, and was conscious only of the thud of bare feet on the
uneven floor in the passage and in the rooms behind me. After
clearing away the tea-things, Masha ran down the steps, fluttering
the air as she passed, and like a bird flew into a little grimy
outhouse--I suppose the kitchen--from which came the smell of roast
mutton and the sound of angry talk in Armenian. She vanished into
the dark doorway, and in her place there appeared on the threshold
an old bent, red-faced Armenian woman wearing green trousers. The
old woman was angry and was scolding someone. Soon afterwards Masha
appeared in the doorway, flushed with the heat of the kitchen and
carrying a big black loaf on her shoulder; swaying gracefully under
the weight of the bread, she ran across the yard to the
threshing-floor, darted over the hurdle, and, wrapt in a cloud of
golden chaff, vanished behind the carts. The Little Russian who was
driving the horses lowered his whip, sank into silence, and gazed
for a minute in the direction of the carts. Then when the Armenian
girl darted again by the horses and leaped over the hurdle, he
followed her with his eyes, and shouted to the horses in a tone as
though he were greatly disappointed:
"Plague take you, unclean devils!"
And all the while I was unceasingly hearing her bare feet, and
seeing how she walked across the yard with a grave, preoccupied
face. She ran now down the steps, swishing the air about me, now
into the kitchen, now to the threshing-floor, now through the gate,
and I could hardly turn my head quickly enough to watch her.
And the oftener she fluttered by me with her beauty, the more acute
became my sadness. I felt sorry both for her and for myself and for
the Little Russian, who mournfully watched her every time she ran
through the cloud of chaff to the carts. Whether it was envy of her
beauty, or that I was regretting that the girl was not mine, and
never would be, or that I was a stranger to her; or whether I
vaguely felt that her rare beauty was accidental, unnecessary, and,
like everything on earth, of short duration; or whether, perhaps,
my sadness was that peculiar feeling which is excited in man by the
contemplation of real beauty, God only knows.
The three hours of waiting passed unnoticed. It seemed to me that I
had not had time to look properly at Masha when Karpo drove up to
the river, bathed the horse, and began to put it in the shafts. The
wet horse snorted with pleasure and kicked his hoofs against the
shafts. Karpo shouted to it: "Ba--ack!" My grandfather woke up.
Masha opened the creaking gates for us, we got into the chaise and
drove out of the yard. We drove in silence as though we were angry
with one another.
When, two or three hours later, Rostov and Nahitchevan appeared in
the distance, Karpo, who had been silent the whole time, looked
round quickly, and said:
"A fine wench, that at the Armenian's."
And he lashed his horses.
II
Another time, after I had become a student, I was traveling by rail
to the south. It was May. At one of the stations, I believe it was
between Byelgorod and Harkov, I got out of the tram to walk about
the platform.
The shades of evening were already lying on the station garden, on
the platform, and on the fields; the station screened off the
sunset, but on the topmost clouds of smoke from the engine, which
were tinged with rosy light, one could see the sun had not yet
quite vanished.
As I walked up and down the platform I noticed that the greater
number of the passengers were standing or walking near a
second-class compartment, and that they looked as though some
celebrated person were in that compartment. Among the curious whom
I met near this compartment I saw, however, an artillery officer
who had been my fellow-traveler, an intelligent, cordial, and
sympathetic fellow--as people mostly are whom we meet on our
travels by chance and with whom we are not long acquainted.
"What are you looking at there?" I asked.
He made no answer, but only indicated with his eyes a feminine
figure. It was a young girl of seventeen or eighteen, wearing a
Russian dress, with her head bare and a little shawl flung
carelessly on one shoulder; not a passenger, but I suppose a sister
or daughter of the station-master. She was standing near the
carriage window, talking to an elderly woman who was in the train.
Before I had time to realize what I was seeing, I was suddenly
overwhelmed by the feeling I had once experienced in the Armenian
village.
The girl was remarkably beautiful, and that was unmistakable to me
and to those who were looking at her as I was.
If one is to describe her appearance feature by feature, as the
practice is, the only really lovely thing was her thick wavy fair
hair, which hung loose with a black ribbon tied round her head; all
the other features were either irregular or very ordinary. Either
from a peculiar form of coquettishness, or from short-sightedness,
her eyes were screwed up, her nose had an undecided tilt, her mouth
was small, her profile was feebly and insipidly drawn, her
shoulders were narrow and undeveloped for her age -- and yet the
girl made the impression of being really beautiful, and looking at
her, I was able to feel convinced that the Russian face does not
need strict regularity in order to be lovely; what is more, that if
instead of her turn-up nose the girl had been given a different
one, correct and plastically irreproachable like the Armenian
girl's, I fancy her face would have lost all its charm from the
change.
Standing at the window talking, the girl, shrugging at the evening
damp, continually looking round at us, at one moment put her arms
akimbo, at the next raised her hands to her head to straighten her
hair, talked, laughed, while her face at one moment wore an
expression of wonder, the next of horror, and I don't remember a
moment when her face and body were at rest. The whole secret and
magic of her beauty lay just in these tiny, infinitely elegant
movements, in her smile, in the play of her face, in her rapid
glances at us, in the combination of the subtle grace of her
movements with her youth, her freshness, the purity of her soul
that sounded in her laugh and voice, and with the weakness we love
so much in children, in birds, in fawns, and in young trees.
It was that butterfly's beauty so in keeping with waltzing, darting
about the garden, laughter and gaiety, and incongruous with serious
thought, grief, and repose; and it seemed as though a gust of wind
blowing over the platform, or a fall of rain, would be enough to
wither the fragile body and scatter the capricious beauty like the
pollen of a flower.
"So--o! . . ." the officer muttered with a sigh when, after the
second bell, we went back to our compartment.
And what that "So--o" meant I will not undertake to decide.
Perhaps he was sad, and did not want to go away from the beauty and
the spring evening into the stuffy train; or perhaps he, like me,
was unaccountably sorry for the beauty, for himself, and for me,
and for all the passengers, who were listlessly and reluctantly
sauntering back to their compartments. As we passed the station
window, at which a pale, red-haired telegraphist with upstanding
curls and a faded, broad-cheeked face was sitting beside his
apparatus, the officer heaved a sigh and said:
"I bet that telegraphist is in love with that pretty girl. To live
out in the wilds under one roof with that ethereal creature and not
fall in love is beyond the power of man. And what a calamity, my
friend! what an ironical fate, to be stooping, unkempt, gray, a
decent fellow and not a fool, and to be in love with that pretty,
stupid little girl who would never take a scrap of notice of you!
Or worse still: imagine that telegraphist is in love, and at the
same time married, and that his wife is as stooping, as unkempt,
and as decent a person as himself.''
On the platform between our carriage and the next the guard was
standing with his elbows on the railing, looking in the direction
of the beautiful girl, and his battered, wrinkled, unpleasantly
beefy face, exhausted by sleepless nights and the jolting of the
train, wore a look of tenderness and of the deepest sadness, as
though in that girl he saw happiness, his own youth, soberness,
purity, wife, children; as though he were repenting and feeling in
his whole being that that girl was not his, and that for him, with
his premature old age, his uncouthness, and his beefy face, the
ordinary happiness of a man and a passenger was as far away as
heaven. . . .
The third bell rang, the whistles sounded, and the train slowly
moved off. First the guard, the station-master, then the garden,
the beautiful girl with her exquisitely sly smile, passed before
our windows. . . .
Putting my head out and looking back, I saw how, looking after the
train, she walked along the platform by the window where the
telegraph clerk was sitting, smoothed her hair, and ran into the
garden. The station no longer screened off the sunset, the plain
lay open before us, but the sun had already set and the smoke lay
in black clouds over the green, velvety young corn. It was
melancholy in the spring air, and in the darkening sky, and in the
railway carriage.
The familiar figure of the guard came into the carriage, and he
began lighting the candles.